Allowing Kids to Love Both Parents

Divorce Is Between Parents, Not Between Parents and Children

We know from all the most recent child development research that children attach to both parents from an early age. This means a child takes on a sense of self that reflects parts of “mom” and parts of “dad.” A child’s freedom to take from both parents is what helps create a whole, healthy human being.

Your Children Need Both of You

If nothing else, even if you choose not to pursue a collaborative divorce, please make sure to avoid exposing your children to arguments and hostility between you and your partner. It causes the children to feel that they must close off a part of themselves in order to cope in each home.

Instead, give your children permission to love both parents. You can do this in so many simple ways, such as showing genuine interest about activities. Something as simple as, “did you have fun with Dad/Mom last weekend when you went to visit your cousins?” is more powerful than you might realize. Or, “you know, your Dad/Mom loves you so much!” goes a long way toward telling a child that it’s ok to enjoy spending time with the other parent, and helps them to become whole and healthy human beings in the process.

Children who receive these affirmations from both parents are much less likely to internalize the negative impact of their parents’ conflicts.

We’re Here to Help

The professionals at Collaborative Divorce Minnesota can help you make this trying time a little easier for you and your children. You can reach our Edina office by calling 952-405-2015 or send us a message using the form on our contact page. We work with professionals across the Twin Cities and serve clients across Minnesota.