Frequently Asked Questions

What are the expert tips for success?

1. The parents are able to communicate and cooperate after the divorce; in fact, they are able to give their children permission and support to love the other parent, no matter what home the children are in at the time.

2. They are able to keep the length of their decision-making process as short as possible; the stress from this period is tough on everyone, even for a short period of time, but over a long period of time (6 months to 2 years or more), there is much greater potential for lasting psychological and emotional harm to both parents and children.

3. They are able to keep their dispute out of the adversarial court system, and to keep control over decision-making in their own hands. With older children in particular, the parents are able to take their children's individual needs into consideration, even eliciting input from them over their special needs (without pressuring children to make adult decisions). Most importantly, they create a method for periodic review of their children's needs in the future, and to create a method for dispute resolution over future adjustments and changes.

4. They realize it is never too late to change direction and choose a better path of communication, even in the worst cases of conflict. In her 20-year study of divorcing couples, Dr. Constance Ahrons describes how she and her "ex" started their divorce by bitter fault-finding and yet found a way to put their children's health and emotional well being first.